Hollywood frequently ignores common sense and churns out sequel after unwatchable sequel while failing to make smart sequel choices. I mean the new ghostbusters would have been awesome if it was a sequel rather than a remake, right? And, if you base a film on a book, the film’s sequel should only exist if there’s a sequel in print. (That one makes me really mad.) Anyway, these are my picks for the shittiest, hardest to watch sequels that were a waste of talent and money. Also, I’m going to skip the obvious stuff because everyone knows Batman and Robin was insufferable.
1. Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016)
Obviously I’m biased because, as a 90s kid, I had Adventures in Wonderland, which took denim-clad pre-teen Alice through a bedroom mirror (looking glass) into Wonderland and a world of adventure. Had I not the privilege to view that, I think I still would have hated 2016’s “Alice Through the Looking Glass.”
It was terrible, despite a talented cast. I should note, I don’t believe any of the cast gave a wholehearted performance. The setting was Wonderland, but the cast’s mood was dispirited and bored the entire film. Also, it was graphically cheesy, like an episode of Once Upon a Time. And, all the obvious metaphors about time’s unfortunate and permanent un-changeability didn’t cause me to reflect on time itself, but rather when the movie would end. (Spoiler alert: it never ends).
2. Bridget Jones Baby (2016)
The original Bridget Jones released at a time when I was still willing to watch a film and then read the book. I adored both the novel and the film, read the second book, and then welcomed the sequel to the film Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, but I just can’t with Bridget Jones’ Baby because it wasn’t written by Helen Fielding.
The most atrocious thing about this is that there is a third book; it’s just not about a pregnant Bridget Jones. The third film is not based on a book because Hollywood imagined it more believable that Bridget would divorce Darcy and find herself pregnant at 47 unlike the novelization, which picks up after her husband Darcy has died when she is 50 years old. She starts dating again. It could have worked, but ultimately they chose a cutesier rom-com set in a delightful London that doesn’t exist in real life and shouldn’t exist in fiction because everyone knows London is far from enchanting.
Oh and women don’t jump around on their beds like an excited Tom Cruise. In the film, Renee Zellweger who plays Jones jumps up and down on her bed, and just…I don’t know… Maybe I’m cynical, but this sort of behavior makes me want peg her with a pillow, drop her on her ass, and scream that she’s setting women back fifty years.
3. Every Subsequent Robocop Sequel
Sorry. I wrote that wrong. I meant every Robocop movie ever. They all suck. End of story.
4. Blues Brothers 2000
Of all the films on this list, this one I don’t hate. It’s not a terrible movie; I mean, it’s not that bad, but I was a kid in the nineties. It wasn’t my thing. I could watch the first movie, but I wouldn’t pause on TNT if the Blues Brothers 2000 was airing. That being said, it’s not the actual film that makes this sequel so terribly bad; it’s the damn response from its fans.
Blues Brothers 2000 continues to be a source of contention with baby boomers and gen x-ers; although, the debate over the film’s worthiness is less prevalent today. My mom and her friends subjected my fourteen-year-old-self to endless bitching and debates over the worthiness of this film. Therefore, this sequel or tribute or whatever, is unworthy.
5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
The original My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a refreshing romantic comedy based on the one-woman show written and performed by Nia Vardalos. Vardalos wrote the script for the film, and went on to star in it. I fell in love with Vardalos’ portrayal of a plain girl and her controlling family. And, I hated the sequel because it’s a stupid, uninspired cash grab.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (I know, what a creative and brilliant title) was grueling, cheesy, and predictable. It was unoriginal at best, and a nauseating snore-fest at worst. Also, could Greeks be more stereotyped than they are in this film? Doubtful.
6. Evan Almighty
Evan Almighty: a movie so shit, my eight year old begged me to turn it off. “Can we watch something else, puhleeeese?” It was too boring, and not funny. It’s labeled a comedy, but I failed to find the humor. Dare I say, it caused a humor drought?
Hollywood, please stop basing movies off Old Testament bible stories. I’m 🙏🏻 praying Hollywood quits this practice. To be fair, the first filmed sucked too, but Evan Almighty sucked even harder. It was an unnecessary waste of money, and the reason Hollywood doesn’t greenlight comedies with a big budget.
7. Cars 2
Go ahead. Judge me for including a Pixar animated film. I’ve got kids, and childlike wonder. I wouldn’t called the first Cars good, but it was watchable and had its moments. Plus, it was cool to look at.
Pixar has had some memorable titles, but that haven’t hit as hard as unforgettable titles, such as Tangled, Monster’s Inc., and Finding Nemo. Those films are classics that will be enjoyed for a lifetime. Wall-E, A Bug’s Life, and Cars are examples of just-okay Pixar films. They don’t warrant classics, yet Pixar merchandised the shit out of Cars and gave us Cars 2, the terrible sequel.
Cars 2 is so bad, it’s more memorable than the first film. I’ll never forget it, despite only watching it one time. I remember wishing I was tired enough to fall asleep, just so I could escape such a crappy and undramatic sequel.
8. American Psycho II: All American Girl
Although I loathe Mila Kunis as a feature film actress, she’s not the only reason this movie sucks. Her terrible delivery is a factor, but it’s not the reason the movie sucks. The number one reason this film is awful is because YET AGAIN Hollywood made a sequel where no novelization exists.
American Psycho is a horror novel by iconic Bret Easton Ellis, and he never penned a sequel. Ever seeking a cash grab, Hollywood decided to greenlight a sequel anyway. The result is a slash and stab horror flick that doesn’t hold a candle to even the cheesiest of eighties gore films. It’s so bad and it tries so hard, which makes it excruciating to watch.
9. Dumb and Dumberer
Dumb and Dumber is one of my favorite films… Don’t judge me… Anyway, when they didn’t cast Jim Carrey or Jeff Daniels in the sequel, it was obvious it would be bad. Dumb and Dumberer lacks energy, plot, oh and jokes. Yeah, there’s not much to laugh at here except about how bad it is. That being said, I actually liked Dumb and Dumber To.
10. Back to the Future III
Back to the Future III may very well be my first encounter with a disappointing sequel. I adored Marty McFly as a kid. If six year olds were allowed to get tattoos, I would have Marty McFly tattooed over my heart right now. Unfortunately, the third film was a real snoozer let down. I won’t bore you with the details because you already know this film sucks, but I will tell you that Amblin Entertainment spent $40 million on this piece of garbage, and it earned more than $200 million worldwide.
So, what have I learned writing this list? I learned the 90s were a rife with terrible films and sequels. And, I learned I’ll never trust a sequel that’s not based on a novelization if the first film was. And, I learned that Hollywood will spend money on shit and ultimately make even more money selling that shill because we’re all sheeple with no standards. Hey, don’t feel bad. I watched these movies too.